There's a first time for everything, right?

I had been on call for a birth with Brenda, a VBA2C mom, and was anxiously awaiting it. VBAC births are near and dear to my heart, and I always look forward to them. Well, I got the call this past Thursday night, that C was in labor. She was about 1 1/2 hours from my house, so I headed out as soon as I was able to...it was 7pm when I got going. It was the first time ever though, that I had a bad feeling about the birth. I even grabbed my copy of Polly's Birth Book on my way out...hesitating because I never bring any of my books with me. God was really pressing on my heart though to take it. I prayed all the way down there, and even called a friend to share my feelings. She told me to listen to my instincts, and listen for God...but at the same time to make sure that it wasn't just fear. I was thankful for her voice on my drive. I got there, and Brenda had requested that I check her and check fetal heart tones, since she was about 2 hours behind me. I checked C, and couldn't get a feel for her dilation. Her cervix was at the very tip of my fingers, and I went up as far as I could without hurting mom. She had been falsely told at her last OB appointment that she was 4cm dilated. I told her that I could not reach it to get a good feel, but would have Brenda check when she got there.

I then checked heart tones, and was rather alarmed when the baby went from 122bpm, to 175 within the 2 minutes I had it on her belly. I was concerned. C and I went walking, because her contractions were *very* spaced out -- about 45 minutes apart. I was disappointed because I knew that the birth was not iminent, and I was exhausted already. When Brenda arrived, we chit-chatted for a while, and then C requested to be checked. Thankfully it wasn't just the dumb apprentice, lol...Brenda had a very hard time reaching the cervix as well. Apparently C was only dilated to about 1-2cm, cervix was still very high and posterior. We checked fht's again, and they literally went from between 106-183bpm. Not good at all. We talked to C and her husband about our concerns, told them that we really felt the baby was in distress. They asked for a few moments to talk and pray. We stepped out of the room, and talked between us. Come to find out, Brenda did not have a good feeling about this birth when leaving her house either. She was not happy with the fht's. Well, a "few moments" turned into an hour. I got a really yucky feeling ( for lack of better term ) when I realized that we were no longer being considered in the plans. C's husband came out asking if they could use the doppler, by themselves without us in the room. They wanted to see for themselves what the fht's were at...and C somehow convinced herself that they were getting better, even when we could hear in the hallway that it dipped down to about 105-110 a few times. I told Brenda that I was no longer comfortable there, and she said she wasn't either. She left the option of me leaving, saying it was up to me and to do what I felt I needed to do.

We went back into the room, where C was trying to convince us that it had gotten better...and in all honesty, fht's *had* gotten a bit better. But they were still showing major signs of distress. Then, lying on her floor was a business card of a local doctor that her friend had brought her ( they were staying with friends ), to get a second opinion. That was the point where I realized that the trust was gone. C wanted to continue waiting it out, despite both Brenda and myself saying that we felt there was something wrong. I then decided it was time to go. I have NEVER walked out on a laboring mom before, but my heart was telling me that I should not be there.

Thank God everything ended up fine...well, not the birth. C ended up with another c-section on Friday night at about 10pm...after getting to 8cm. Brenda had stayed with them until early afternoon, and said it was time to leave because the baby's heart rate was still a bit questionable, and mom was not progressing in dilation. They agreed that they would go to the hospital.

You know, as I was driving home at 5am, after being awake for almost a full 24 hours...I began wondering if maybe I had experienced a major lack of faith, and if I had needed to trust God more in this situation. But the parents were very "hyper-Christian", as I put it...and that always makes me uncomfortable. The notion that something will happen how *they* want it to, because they pray in that manner, is not biblical. Biblically we know that things happen according to God's will, not our own. There were clear signs of the baby not doing well...and even though the baby *did* end up healthy....what if he hadn't? God gives us free will, but He also has ways of guiding us. I believe that with neither me or Brenda having a good feeling about the birth ahead of time, and then the circumstances...was God guiding me in what I needed to do. I still wonder what would have happened had I shown more faith, but I was feeling such a tugging to get out of there. It was so strong.