We have such a disconnect in our culture now from our babies and our children. Call me old fashioned, but it seemed that children were better off in generations before this. Mothers stayed home with their small kids, instead of sending them off to daycare at the ripe old age of 6 weeks. But I believe that the problem starts in pregnancy. There is such a *huge* disconnect when it comes to the precious being that we carry for those forty weeks, give or take a few. Women let the doctors handle everything, instead of playing an active role in their prenatal care. Seriously, how hard is it to do the average prenatal visit? And no, I'm not talking about labs or necessary ultrasounds. I'm not speaking of problems or issues that would warrant a trip to the OB's office. I'm not saying to forgo prenatal care altogether either. I'm strictly speaking of the average obstetrical prenatal appointment. What is done?
- Woman gets weighed
- Woman pees in a cup
- Woman's belly gets measured
- Woman is asked how she is doing, and if there are any concerns or questions ( and even then, not all doctors do! )
Buy a bottle of Urinalysis Strips for between $20-$35
Those test for Glucose, Protein, and Ketones. Same thing as in the doctor's office.
The belly measurement is arbitrary in the way that OBs use them to scare you about size. It only means what your belly is measuring there at that exact moment. It depends on how much fluid you have that day, what position the baby is in, and the sun and the stars aligning just so. ;) It *can* be a useful tool in finding out when baby has dropped, if the baby isn't growing at a normal rate, etc. At least that's how it works when midwives use it as a tool. ; )
As far as being asked how you're doing, well...have a visit with a friend instead. Or a doula. Talk about the pregnancy, how you're feeling emotionally. Personally, this is why I hired a midwife. Midwives do this at each visit. It's more like sitting with a friend than a "care provider". If you choose the OB route...then learn how to take charge of your own pregnancy anyway. That is *your* baby in there. Learn how to palpate ( feel for what position baby is in ) and how to understand what you're feeling, physically.
The next disconnect is blindly trusting the OB ( or even midwife! ) without doing research on your own. Research, study...know what is going on physiologically with your body, and what will happen during labor so that you aren't afraid. Ignorance and fear can bring on a really bad experience. Read my cesarean story. Doctor says that you should be induced because you've reached 40/41 weeks...research the risks of inductions, and the risks of remaining pregnant. Doctor says that your pelvis is too small, and you'll need a cesarean...research the risks and effects of a cesarean, not only for you and the current baby, but what it will mean for future pregnancies as well. Research, research, research. Don't take your Aunt Mary's pregnancy advice at face value...research. It doesn't matter WHO it's coming from, do your homework.
One of the disconnects that I advocate hard against? Epidurals. Oh boy is that a hot button issue with me. Epidurals numb you from the nipple line down. You are now an INactive participant in the labor and birth of your child. You have taken a backseat to anesthesia, and playing a game of roulette. Many women are under the incredibly false belief that Epidurals are harmless. Not only do Epidurals Carry Risks for you, but they carry risks for your baby. Epidurals are known for slowing down labor, and sometimes completely stopping it. Then roll in the cascade of interventions and pray you don't wind up on the operating table. Epidurals are known for causing major changes in your blood pressure. Again, pray that you don't wind up on the operating table. Epidurals have shown to cause changes in the baby's heart tones. That'll buy you a ticket onto the operating table as well. Nevermind that it absolutely *does* pass through the placenta, that epidurals *contribute to 5,000 seizure disorders in newborns and children each year*, or that it has been proven that epidurals cause baby to be sleepy and have a poor suck reflex that interferes with breastfeeding. I have heard so many times, "If it weren't for the epidural, I never would have relaxed enough to fully dilate." That's utter crap. Your body will continue to dilate until the baby is out. How on earth did women do it before epidurals? I think generations would have died off if that was the case.
And you know, I'll say it. Having an epidural is plain selfish. It does nothing to benefit your baby, and it in fact adds risk TO your baby. If it's not for the well being of the little being, then who is it for? Oh, that's right...mom. "I'm not trying to be a hero." "I could never go through labor without an epidural." "I'm just not that brave." "I'm too scared to go without." "I want to actually enjoy my labor."
Where's the "I want the safest birth for my baby." answer??? If women understood the physiological aspects of labor, and if epidurals weren't handed out like candy...more would know that they are perfectly capable of surviving childbirth without anesthesia. It absolutely tickles me that women fight day after day to be seen as strong and capable...except in childbirth. Somehow, when it comes to doing the very thing that our body was specifically designed to do...women are weak. Not strong enough. Not capable enough. Not brave enough. By being numbed from the nipples down, women disconnect themselves from one of the most amazing things they will ever experience. And by having an epidural, women are blocking the enormous amounts of endorphins that are released during labor. I was on a high for days after my home birth. And it was a HARD labor and birth.
The next disconnect is breastfeeding. "It just seems so wrong.", "Oh no, I couldn't breastfeed...what if people saw me?", "Formula is just as good now.", "I was formula fed, and I turned out just fine.". Again, breastfeeding is something that we were specifically designed to do. We are mammals. We lactate. Babies are literally hardwired to nurse. It has been documented ( and I saw it with my own eyes recently! )that a baby who has been born without any drugs having gone into his system, and left on mommy's belly naked...will crawl up mommy's tummy to breast, and latch on. Watch that video, and then tell me that babies aren't meant to breastfeed. When we choose to bottle feed, it's a whole other disconnect. Breastfeeding enables on of the most precious bonds a mother can have with her baby. That is the one thing that cannot be done by anybody else once the baby is born. It is the tie that continues to bind them. Breastfed babies are shown to have less incidences of childhood obesity, diabetes, illness, and have even been shown to have higher IQ points. Mothers who breastfeed are at less risk for breast cancer. There are reasons why things are supposed to be done naturally.
My last point of disconnect is that mothers do not stay home anymore. Babies are being dropped off at 4-6 weeks of age, being left in the hands of either a relative, or strangers. I understand financial difficulties with having a single income household. I really do. But a lot of mothers don't work out of true necessity. They work because they want to be out of the house, or because they don't want to go without their weekly shopping trips, or because they want to feel "accomplished". What about the babies? It makes me incredibly sad to hear stories of the children eventually become sad to leave the daycare worker. One friend told me that she was heartbroken when her son wanted to only sit with his daycare worker ( who had become like a mom to him, not surprisingly ) at his birthday party, instead of mom. Then on the more extreme side, I have a friend who informed me very matter-of-factly that she was not going to have any children until she could afford a full time nanny. And that she'd take a c-section so that she wouldn't have to go through "yucky" childbirth. And that she would not breastfeed because it was disgusting. This is the society that we live in.
So, in closing...I believe that it starts in pregnancy. There needs to be a bond, a sense of knowledge when it comes to the creation of our little person...starting in the womb. Women need to begin to research the things that go on in pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding. Because often, and sometimes without even knowing, our lives are shaped by our birthing experience.
No comments:
Post a Comment